A couple of months back I thought I really had true friends. Friends willing to support my strengths and rebuke my weakness, for the good of all of us [me and them]. My definition of friend is someone who is by your side, whatever happens to you. They will support what you do right and correct you when you are wrong. They will not judge you, but they will rebuke what it is that is evil, you do. They will not use your weaknesses to benefit their greed.
They shall not get mad at you when you rebuke their evil deeds, but they shall embrace you for you tell the truth to them. They shall not revenge on the basis of you told them the truth, in whatever way you did it, be it shouting or whispering. They shall honor the promises they made to you of being there for you, no matter what, and not leave you alone in the desert filled with rattle snakes and cactus and dunes and locusts and no water and sun and loneliness and fear and anger and.... just because you obtained a problem we can ALL outgrow with time.
I may be raving and mad, but I think I deserve to be mad. I had friends. Really. i thought I did have friends until they began turning their backs against me. Beginning with the one I loved most. It's a really heavy cross to carry. I still cannot bring my mind to comprehend the situation. I am angry and annoyed. why did it have to happen to me. My mouth will speak no more to those hypocrites. For I may speak and sin. therefore as my mind closes to their deeds and images and everything, so shall my mouth. But my fingers will not tire to put down what is in my heart. For I am truly hurt. Beyond what any of you thinks...
I know I sound Biblical and more like a prophet, but I stand to say I am not even one. AM not even worth to be one. But my old life feels better than what I have to face now. A nice old bottle of wine seems of more comfort to me, than those walls of loneliness and betrayal and hurt... that hung around my broken heart.
I cannot speak no more. I am too upset...
I may be raving and mad, but I think I deserve to be mad. I had friends. Really. i thought I did have friends until they began turning their backs against me. Beginning with the one I loved most. It's a really heavy cross to carry. I still cannot bring my mind to comprehend the situation. I am angry and annoyed. why did it have to happen to me. My mouth will speak no more to those hypocrites. For I may speak and sin. therefore as my mind closes to their deeds and images and everything, so shall my mouth. But my fingers will not tire to put down what is in my heart. For I am truly hurt. Beyond what any of you thinks...
I know I sound Biblical and more like a prophet, but I stand to say I am not even one. AM not even worth to be one. But my old life feels better than what I have to face now. A nice old bottle of wine seems of more comfort to me, than those walls of loneliness and betrayal and hurt... that hung around my broken heart.
I cannot speak no more. I am too upset...
Wednesday, September 26, 2007 at 7:02:00 PM GMT+3
oh wow
The sadness in this post is deafening. I am quite sorry to hear of your present situation. And the only thing that i can offer, is that which i remember at all times. Which is the knowledge, that everything passes. While you are in it, it seems to so constricting. And there is no escape. I have lost friends, But i have also made better ones. And I am so happy i went through all of that, because it made me who i am today. i would not trade those experiences for anyone. So take heart my dear, and remember that "this too shall pass".