Said Like It Is!

The Tennis Elbow Joke!

2010-12-10T16:45:00.001+03:00

One day Bill complained to his friend, “My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor.”

His friend said, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs ten dollars.”Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:

You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample, and deposited the $10. The computer made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.

Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins.

Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.

Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a Gun and a lawyer.

Please stick to your own issues, otherwise your tennis elbow will never get better.

Taveta Weddings...

2010-12-07T11:04:00.000+03:00

Having watched the famous Citizen TV program - The wedding show, I almost expected something similar of a wedding I attended in Njukini, close to Taveta, recently.

The Great wedding was done in the Salvation army church, and I was amazed to find that there, the church service begins at 2.00pm. When it does, it is a spectacle of events. The bride arrives first to wait for the Groom. She is escorted by the brides maids and the grooms men, who dance their way to the alter. When she is settled and waiting for the groom, the same bridesmaids and groomsmen go out again to receive the groom, and escort him to his waiting bride to be in pomp and celebrations.

Once they are settled, the full church service goes on, even the offertory, and then the wedding is performed. After the wedding, and the rings and all, the bride and groom are led out of the church, at around 4.00pm with more pomp and celebration. All this time, half the congregation is standing on the pews to see the mighty spectacle.

Just outside the church is the photo session. Here the congregation and friends are charged Kshs. 25 to take a photo with the wedded couple. This was a little strange to me, but apparently, thats the trend there. After that, the people are led to the reception area, where before everything else, the cake is cut, and distributed to the important guests in th place.

Then the food is served, according to order of priority. The visitors from the city first, then the children, then the high table and lastly the local people, who are made to scramble for the food. I thought it to be strange. After people have eaten to their fill, the tent owners begin to take down the tents and people are hurdled out of the reception area. And thats it for the wedding....

I just Haven't Met you yet

2010-11-04T14:59:00.000+03:00

I'm Not Surprised
Not Everything Lasts
Have Broken My Heart So Many Times,
I Stopped Keepin Track.
Talk Myself In
I Talk Myself Out
I Get All Worked Up
Then I Let Myself Down.

I Tried So Very Hard Not To Lose It
I Came Up With A Million Excuses
I Thought I Thought Of Every Possibility

And I Now Someday That It'll All Turn Out
You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid That I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

Mmmmm ....

I Might Have To Wait
I'll Never Give Up
I Guess It's Half Time
And The Other Half's Luck
Wherever You Are
Whenever It's Right
You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Possibility

Hmmmmm ......

And Somehow I Know That Will All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

They Say All's Fair
And In Love And War
But I Won't Need To Fight It
We'll Get It By It ??
To Be United

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Being In Your Life Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Single Possibility

Hmmm .....

And Someday I Know It'll All Turn Out
And I'll Work To Work It Out
Promise You Kid I'll Give More Than I Get
Than I Get Than I Get han I Get

Oh You Know It Will All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get
Yeah I Just Haven't Met You Yet

I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Oh Promise You Kid
To Give So Much More Than I Get

I Said Love Love Love Love Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

Pain of Losing Love

2010-10-15T17:19:00.002+03:00

Have you loved and had the devastating experience of your beloved leaving you? Have you felt the pain? Does any other pain come nearer to it? Yes, the pain of losing someone by death may come near to that. But even that is not comparable. By death, you lose your sweetheart forever and know that she/he is no longer in this world. But if he/she leaves you, you experience the shock that is unsurpassed. You know that your beloved is in this world itself, but you have no strength to find out where? You have no strength to meet and find out the reason for the betrayal. You get so numbed with the shock, that you can take no more pain. So you are left to live with that pain yourself. And that life is nothing but death at every moment.

When I cry for my beloved, the tears that I shed are more precious than heavenly pearls, says the poet in me. Yes, one cries, and one finds no one to share that cry. If you talk to people around you about the break down you are facing, they will probably call you a fool for grieving. After sometime, you stop talking to anyone about your pain. That keeps the pain inside you. That kills you slowly, but surely.

Can one overcome this? Very difficult. The very fact that you fell in love that submerged you tells about your personality. Such personalities that give themselves totally away, find it very difficult to bear the loss of love. Snatch a child away from the mother and measure the pain of the mother, you will find out what I am talking about. Why does the mother grieve so much? Because she carried the child in her womb for nine months, she cared for the child after birth, she kept awake for her child for endless nights and she dreamt for her child at all the times. The child was an extension of her own personality. The loss therefore becomes unbearable.

In the same way, those who love deeply, love their beloved like their own child. They care for the beloved like their own extension. Their love and their beloved become an essential part of their personality. Therefore, when that love walks out, the grief is immense and the loss immeasurable. What is to be done? No one can say about this. It all depends on the personality.If that person can somehow continue working towards a useful goal, while keeping the pain all the time inside the heart, life can be carried on for sometime. But ultimately that pain of separation will engulf the person.

I never really loved you anyway

2010-09-08T09:14:00.000+03:00

You bored me with your stories
I can't believe that I endured you for as long as I did
I'm happy, it's over, I'm only sorry
That I didn't make the move before you

And when you go I will remember
To send a thank you note to that girl, (oh that girl)
I see she's holding you so tender
Well I just wanna say...
(Just wanna say...)

I never really loved you anyway
No I didn't love you anyway
I never really loved you anyway
I'm so glad you're moving away

Valentino, I don't think so
You watching MTV while I lie dreaming in an MT bed
And come to think of it
I was misled
My flat, my food, my everything
And thoughts inside my head

Before you go I must remember
To have a quiet word with that girl
(Oh that girl)
Does she know you're not a spender
Well I just have to say...
(Just wanna say...)

I never really loved you anyway
No I didn't love you anyway
I never really loved you anyway
I'm so happy you're moving away

(And when you go I will remember)
I must remember to say...

I never really loved you anyway
No I didn't love you anyway
I never really loved you anyway
I never really loved you anyway
Never really loved you anyway
(I never really loved you anyway)
No I didn't love you anyway
(Never loved you anyway)
Never truly loved you anyway
(I Never loved you anyway)
I'm so happy you're moving away
Yeah I'm delighted you're moving away

The Corrs

Managing your monthly payslip to fit all your needs

2010-08-18T13:31:00.000+03:00

Most times, most of us find that by the time the month is getting to the end, we already have accrued debts, or we are left with just enough to get us to the pay date, and no more even in case of emergencies.

We mostly blame this living beyond our means, on low salaries and high costs of living.

All this can be solved by managing your payslip.

This will be done by first accepting your net pay. This is may be done by internalizing that whatever amount is indicated as your net pay in your payslip is all you have and nothing more, and have you to live by that.

Second is to list down, genuinely and honestly all your expenses. This may include rent, fuel, food, transport, every day coffee, couple of beers at the bar and every other huge or tiny expense that you incur on a daily, weekly or monthly basis. After listing down all expenses, you may discover that you actually spend more than you earn, i.e. living beyond your means.

Thirdly, make a budget. Here is where, you get to decide on what expenses to increase, reduce, or do away with depending on your priorities. A good system to use while deciding on how to allocate your funds could be to split your salary into six portions, where the ratios are 3 – 2 – 1.

Here, three portions out of six, of your salary are allocated to all your expenses. This will include food, housing, clothing, fuel, education, health and all other expenses you may have.

Two portions out of six of your salary are allocated to savings, and the remaining one portion out of six of your salary is allocated to personal investment, for instance taking educational or self improvement courses etc.

With this system of fund allocation, then you are able to know how much to use on expenses, and are able to scale your living standards towards that, and thus live a more comfortable life that does not go beyond your means. It also ensures that even with the meager amounts on your payslip, you are able to save something at the end of every month, and you are also able to invest on yourself positively.

She is my Hero

2010-06-17T16:30:00.003+03:00

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me gives me
strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy
she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

Trainscapades

2010-06-17T12:15:00.004+03:00

Its in the morning and am tired.... Ask me why.

I get out of my house every morning at 5:45am to get to work at 8 am. Most of the time, I get to town earlier like by 7am, but some other times, drama happens.

You see, going to town by train is very very economical, because instead of the 100 bob we normally pay to town, by train its only 35 bob. But again, cheap is expensive, though not every day. Here we sit, stand in between the legs of those who are seated, stand at the corridor, hang on the door, sit or stand on top of the train. Quite some freedom we got!

So, sometimes, when we get to the deserted part where there's only long grass and rocks and the only noise is the river, the train decides to break down. And we have to wait till another train head comes from town and pulls it, or pushes it to where its destined. That takes like 45 minutes from the time it breaks down to the time we continue with the journey.

When we get to town, after completing the queue for getting down the train, which is accompanied with pushing, shoving, stepping on, grabbing ~~arses~~ behinds for those you admired all the way, ~~stealing~~ taking people's cell phones and cash, you get to the Railway Station Exit gate, where you are supposed to drop your ticket in a bucket. If you don't, they manhandle you away to ~~some place where they beat money out of you~~ Railways Police Station.

At the end of all this, you's safely in town! And get to work so tired...

Virtual Lover

2010-06-08T16:08:00.000+03:00

Has any of you ever fallen in love with somebody you actually never met?

Well I did once.

This guy * Sean, I met him on the Internet.I can't remember if it was through yahoo or blogger or.... Well, we would communicate most of the time through chat, and later, we exchanged phone numbers. And we'd call each other most of the day, and yours truly begun growing very fond of Sean and FAST.

Soon, I was introduced to Sean's cousin, and his sister, and his mother. Mind you, all this was done over the phone, because all this while, Sean was in a different country. So he'd give my phone number to say his cousin, then his cousin would call, and later come to visit.

I trusted Sean. I fell in love with him, and this love grew by day, as I waited patiently for his return to Nairobi.
I lived in a world full of fantasies of me and him, and our children and our house. He made promises to me. And I loved him more and more, even though he did not keep most of these promises.He even proposed to me on phone.

I waited for Sean for three years.Until one day, I received a call from anonymous saying ~~if I remember very clearly~~

Hi. I'm just calling you to give you some information about Sean. He has gotten another girl here pregnant, and I thought that I should let you know, since I believe you dont deserve to be treated the way Sean is treating you. Don't bother calling me back because am using a phone booth. Bye.

And she was gone.

I was in denial and so decided to ignore that call, because I trusted my Sean, and there is no way in this world, that the Sean I loved so much, the Sean who promised me the moon and the stars, the Sean who was going to be my baby's father... would do anything like that. So I did not even bother to ask him about this...

But I was so hurt, I decided I wanted a break from this relationship!

Before I even got to tell him I needed a break, I got a call from one of the people Sean lives with, telling me that Sean was having a baby, by another woman. And that was it! I decided to end the relationship with Sean. It was hard. I cant even recall what I told him, but I had said it was over by the end of the conversation, but did not mention that I knew about his up coming baby.

A few days after break up, he told me that he had made a woman pregnant, and that it was seven months old. The explanation I got was that, the woman went to Sean and told him that she has a chronic condition with her vagina. Her vagina refuses to open up to men that she is not in love with. And since she was in love with Sean, though as he alleges, he does not love her, her vagina opens up when she sees him. So she went to him for help with her vagina issues. ~~Mind you, nowhere had I even heard that Sean was a gynecologist!~~ So Sean the red cross guy went on to have sex with her, even without a condom. What Jeopardy to our "relationship"! tsk tsk tsk....

After telling me all that ~~bullshit~~ explanation, I was supposed to forgive him, as he was trying to help a needy woman. He even claimed that he was going to abandon that woman, so he could come back to me. I repeat. He was gonna abandon the woman who was carrying his child.

I was really hurt, and I stayed many days crying and meditating. Then at once it hit me; I never really knew Sean. I had never even seen him, except maybe for the pictures he sent me. He played with my heart... But I was the bigger fool!

I got up, had a make over and went out clubbing. ~~(Story for another day)~~ And from then, my attachment to him begun to fade, and I begun to see how foolish I was for ever trusting virtual love for over three years! Imagine three years!

His baby was born, and he told it to the whole world. He broadcast on all means.

When does it ever end?

2010-06-04T11:15:00.003+03:00

Cold is the floor I lay on
Cold is the heart I bear
Cold are the thoughts in my mind
Cold is the soul I am entitled

Drunken by spirits,
Drunken in pain
Drunken in despair
Drunken in plans

The floor by hour is colder,
The bottle by hour is emptier,
The soul by hour is drunkt
The male by hour is hornier

Turgidity, turgidity, turgidity
Overwhelmed by it
Overthrown by it
To a world unknown
To living and to dead
Until one's encounter...

Betroven by life's meaninglessness,
Overwhelmed by vengeance
A mind murders a soul
A heart is mended by fantasies

All through the night
'Till dawn's cold comes unbearably
A drunken heart, soul, mind and body
Get on with a day's work
As though no night was there
As though a floor was no bed
As though a Spirit was no dinner
'Till dusk sets its place
And the monotony of the night
Sets it's pace

Trying out Poetry...

2009-12-14T10:30:00.001+03:00

Proud to be

A murderer!!
Yes I am,
Proud I am,
She was murdered.

Loudly humming, by me she passes
Irritating and annoying
I caught a glimpse
She was obese,
A stripped coat covered her back
A malicious look on her face

As if forgetting,
Back she turned to me.
What does she want?
She holds a syringe and needle
Huh?
"In exchange for death,
A drop I need"

No way!!
Away she's whisked
Off she goes into thin air
A while later, her hum,
So unforgettable, is nearing
I await her approach,
But in thin air, No more hum
May be change of direction,
May be change of song,

In sudden,
A jab!! On my arm
A slap on the arm,
I glimpse,
Anopheles, her syringe and needle,
Taking off.
Not far off she sits catching breath

Angry I am.
Vengeful I become
Nuclear destroyer in arms
Creeping to her
A single dash of spray,
On the ground she lays,
The mosquito is dead
I am proud!

Through this rain....

2009-12-07T12:57:00.002+03:00

I must admit I've been a little too caught up in what I call motherly duties..., so much so that I forgot all about other things. Now that am tryna clean out the cobwebs, so to get back, though not to where I was, but to somewhere close, i see what rain and mud I have been through. Now that the storm is almost over, I'm glad to have made it thus far, through this rain....

Mariah Carey spoke it out for me, especially now when my parents wont hear a word about this new found love of my life... reason being, in his community, there are too many cultural beliefs that are still followed up to date. it's frustrating, and annoying and confusing and all, but somehow, somewhen....

When you get caught in the rain with no where to run
When you’re distraught and in pain without anyone

when you keep crying out to be saved
but nobody comes
And you feel so far away
That you just can’t find your way home
You can get there alone
It’s okay, what you say is

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

And if you keep falling down don’t you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound, so keep pressing on steadfastly
And you’ll find what you need to prevail
What you say is

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I’ll make it through the rain

And when the rain blows, as shadows grow close don’t be afraid
There’s nothing you can’t face
And should they tell you you’ll never pull through
Don’t hesitate, stand tall and say-ay-yeah-yeah-hey-ey

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

I can make it through the rain
And stand up once again
And I live one more day
And I can make it through the rain
(Oh, yes you can)
Ooh, You’re gonna make it through the … rain

That says it all for me....

A.O.B
When we get the people at the MAU forest out, will it rain and end the drought as we need it. As in, if they are evicted today, will it rain tomorrow, or the day after?....

Why is it a big deal, in some communities, when someone's husband dies?... That now all the wealth becomes for those lazy bastards, who maybe caused his death so they inherit his wealth. Who said the widow is not hurt by her husband's death? Dare some skunk parade themselves that they want a single drop o what they dint work for... Chineke!! We shall see... we shall see....

What to do now?

2009-12-01T11:20:00.003+03:00

Last month [read yesterday], i was heavily insulted by one guy at work. Am wondering what to do with him. And its really paining me, because I was silent and dint reply to any of his insults.

Well, the story behind all this is a long one.

When I was desperate and jobless [story for another day], this guy [John] came to me and offered to open up a business for me. And it looked like a really nice idea. So I consulted a friend about it, and she told me to sign an agreement with John stating that all these offers were out of good will.

When I asked John to sign the agreement, he backed out of the whole deal. So I sent him my CV, so to at least send if for me to anyone looking to hire people. He criticized my CV so much, telling me how much of a pity it was. Then he kept sending me emails of job vacancies that were way above my league. People needed to have masters and be over 35yrs and so on... I applied for all these jobs anyway, though i got a response for none, and neither was I expecting any. I was very discouraged.

A week later, he sent me an email on vacancies at his work place. So I applied as usual. And guess what!! They called me for an interview and I got the job. The job puts me at a higher rank than he is. So he said never to let anybody in that company know that I know him. And I respected that. We don't even say hi. All communication between us is through gmail chat.

Yesterday evening, we went past each other on the corridors and as usual we did not even look at each other, but when I passed him, he laughed. When I got back to the office, I decided to chat him up on gmail. I asked why he laughed at me when we passed each other, and am telling you whatever insults I read..... tsk tsk tsk! Am even embarrassed to tell those insults to anyone. I'd not even want anybody to know that I was ever insulted that way.

Now am wondering how to react...

Week 3

2009-11-30T10:00:00.002+03:00

The week is on. Last weekend, i learnt that a guy from my work place who's been on my heel like a shadow, was dating a chic from the same company, but is on leave. He told me he moved their relationship down, by a notch, because the gal is epileptic, and had not told him about it. The worst thing is, she does not know that this guy took their relationship a step backward.

I don't like this guy, even for a minute, but I've tried pushing him off even in public, but calling him a tick is an understatement. Now am even wondering if am farting honey. All the same, this week is based on having nothing to do with this guy. I succeed, and am happy, for i will have accomplished my goals.

I hope for us to have a nice week ahead...

End of Week...

2009-11-27T16:23:00.002+03:00

Now, its Friday, and am really happy...

So much has happened during the week, i actually feel like i went through, July and August all together. All the same, am greatful to God for helping me through the week.

And it was a good experience, from drama, to sad, to angry, to missing my daughter, to eyes heavy with sleep for all week and so on and so forth...

Now lemmi brace myself for next week...
[how to deal with all these men and women, who seem to undermine my small size and soft-spokeness.]

More for next week, especially on this guy who's just hovering around me all week, grinning sheepishly....

Week two...

2009-11-23T10:16:00.003+03:00

Well, this is my second week at this new job. And boy oh boy, am so bored, all i do is count the hours. I wake up very early, at 5:00 am, so to be at work at 8:30am. And when i get there, am ot to touch the Pc if there's nothing of the company am doing with it. So i sit and stare all day, at nothing, or at the directory, until lunch time. I go to lunch, and at 2pm, am asked to make a few phone calls and thats it. 5pm, i should be going home. Not to exceed a minute there.

Now am really annoyed about the fact that i sacrifice my sleep, and am overcharged to get to work, just to go there and stare in thin air...

Let me shut down this Pc before this prefect of a guy comes to check what am doing.....

Bye bye internet... Welcome staring at directory!

YUCK...! yuck! yuck!!!!!

2009-02-21T10:32:00.005+03:00

Ok, today, I saw he most grotesque thing in my house....,

Lemmi just start from the beggining. I got myself a househelp from Kitale. I'l save you the details of getting her here for some day soon. That's not the issue. I have to teach her to switch on the lights, let alone flush the toilet and use toilet paper, after toiletting, Oh, and sit but not stand on the toilet seat.That's no issue. I'm really patient since, non of us was born knowing anything. We were all taught, or saw from somewhere. And right now, we cant say we know everything either. But I believe in asking.

The issue is, This morning, I decided since it is Saturday, and i aint going nowhere, we might as well do general cleaning, to this house which's got dust, you'd plant crops and they grow. As she was dusting, i was busy cleaning the bathroom/toilet. I kept wondering where the poo stench is coming from, even after frantically flushing the toilet severally, and spraying the freshener, and almost a half bottle of harpic had vanished in the toilet bowl.

I got the broom, so to sweep down the water. The smell intensified. Thank God for cleaning gloves, coz looking at the broom handle, I don know how it landed outside my house. The handle was all smeared with poo, and stinking to high heavens. I was sick like 4 times before I lost count.

You're asking what I did with or to her afterwards?... Am not so violent...

I called her to the bathroom, showed her how to clean the toilet again using all those disinfectants, and a toilet brush and told her, that sometimes poo refuses to go even if you flash severally, and thus fetch water from the tap into the bucket and pour int the toilet, and not use the broom handle. Then I told her to get the broom, lying on the corridor outside and take it to the bins, for collection by the gabbage collectors. She was very receptive, and did just that. {whoa!! Lord have mercy}

My gloves are well soaked in dettol, and soap, an am hoping to use them as soon as the smell of poo leaves my nose, and I don get sick when I see the damned gloves...

Am praying for a less grotesque weekend. But how worse could it get anyway?.. {uuh... Lord have mercy....}

Welcome Back!!

2009-02-21T10:25:00.002+03:00

It's been a while... yeah like a year past. I think even some keys have switched position, so please dont mind misspelled words. But yes, am back.

Was away doing a lot. Adventuring and venturing and more. But am really happy to be back. More will come as I come online more often. I'l tell you what I saw, read and heard when I was away.

All the same I aint changed, am still sayin it like it is folks...

Kenya and her fuss...

2007-11-26T11:26:00.000+03:00

So now since it's election time, the citizens have grown 10 degrees dumber. All they think about now or rather do, is help those thugs rig votes, even when the process involves murdering their neighbours. It's really sickening. Anyway, I won't vote, but I wish someone would vote out this other idiot who thinks that allowing thugs and hawkers back to the streets of Nairobi, is what will make a guy get his Presidency back.

And the noise on violence and riggin is starting to get to my nerves now. I think we're too developed for some of these barbaric behaviour, Same as getting a chic pregnant and denying it. It is the most barbaric of all acts and cursed be the man who does that.

Talkin of babies, a close buddy is about to get a baby, and she needs a name, otherwise it will be Batholomew or Thaddaeus, and the chic maybe Petronilla or Truphena... I hope you get the point. She's quite depressed on the matter, considering that she has no father to name her baby for her, yknow Kenyan traditions....

On that note; since we have so many baby parties, am beginning to loose track. And soo many contenders. I guess I still stand with Raila for president. But am confused, id it ODM ama is it ODM Kenya. Na Orie Rogo Manduli is for what party? I lost track.. I wonder What Kamotho has up his sleeves...

Anyway, I guess next year haihami, so we'll get to see what goes down.

A.O.B
Now am really debating on shukaing the BT to the new one, aliased.... was it CT ama? Yeah! That one. Not to say am already out of the BT, and on my way into the CT but I guess after being in the BT too long, it's kind of too new a feeling and am scared the CT might as well decide to move on without me. But you know the BT is always there...

Am onto the steps... sooner or later I will either settle in CT ama just get back to the BT. We all know we can never be inbetween for too long, just when crossing over eigh! Then I will tell y'all about it...

Of New presidents...

2007-10-20T19:31:00.000+03:00

Raila, Kalonzo, Kibaki, who else?? I don't know and for some reason, I really dont care. It's irritating when you go to buy a Brand new TV only to find it had been used before, only repackaged... Like wearing a second hand thong.. Please.. someone get me a brand new president around here....

On that note, I need brand new clothes.. LOL. Non of them seem to be fitting me anymore. Due to the diet I have succumbed to , thanks to the hole of a country I live in, I have added a few Kgs.. Now change of wardrobes... All those clothes I have been wear4ing since 2001, I guess are now much of a nusance on the clutchy side.

But who says am complaining.. Nooo... I am soo happy at least I dont have to look all over the country for a cloth that can fit me. Most often turned out to be oversized. That explains the 2001 attire still in my wardrobe. But now I can go with the fashion. It's kinda refreshing yknow.

Before was, will I ever have booty like that? Not in a month of Sundays and being subjected to pork breakfast lunch n supper. Ama wow look at that cleavage! Am jealous. But now it's Oh! The POT!! That may be stress at one point. But who cares. With it comes bundle(s) of joy. The weight, the happiness, the appetite.. I am just too happy. No more feeling bad when I look at my friends' mawetetes and wish I had some to call mine. No more looking at my sisters in shopping malls and wishing I had booty like that, or the cleavage.

I am going shopping for a whole new wardrobe, on the next week of Sundays. Who told you I got the cash right now... But am really looking forward to it. I have never been the one to enjoy shopping, [you cant, when nothing fits you, can you really??]

So lemmie start saving up. And I start with here, saving the cyber dough. I gotta go. Take care o' yourselves. And get me a new prezzo.

Na wenye mnauliza if I been away to grow fat, Yeah I have. Got a problem with that?!

Friends or just Hypocrites

2007-09-26T14:58:00.000+03:00

A couple of months back I thought I really had true friends. Friends willing to support my strengths and rebuke my weakness, for the good of all of us [me and them]. My definition of friend is someone who is by your side, whatever happens to you. They will support what you do right and correct you when you are wrong. They will not judge you, but they will rebuke what it is that is evil, you do. They will not use your weaknesses to benefit their greed.

They shall not get mad at you when you rebuke their evil deeds, but they shall embrace you for you tell the truth to them. They shall not revenge on the basis of you told them the truth, in whatever way you did it, be it shouting or whispering. They shall honor the promises they made to you of being there for you, no matter what, and not leave you alone in the desert filled with rattle snakes and cactus and dunes and locusts and no water and sun and loneliness and fear and anger and.... just because you obtained a problem we can ALL outgrow with time.

I may be raving and mad, but I think I deserve to be mad. I had friends. Really. i thought I did have friends until they began turning their backs against me. Beginning with the one I loved most. It's a really heavy cross to carry. I still cannot bring my mind to comprehend the situation. I am angry and annoyed. why did it have to happen to me. My mouth will speak no more to those hypocrites. For I may speak and sin. therefore as my mind closes to their deeds and images and everything, so shall my mouth. But my fingers will not tire to put down what is in my heart. For I am truly hurt. Beyond what any of you thinks...

I know I sound Biblical and more like a prophet, but I stand to say I am not even one. AM not even worth to be one. But my old life feels better than what I have to face now. A nice old bottle of wine seems of more comfort to me, than those walls of loneliness and betrayal and hurt... that hung around my broken heart.

I cannot speak no more. I am too upset...

Happy Birthday Mom

2007-09-19T14:15:00.000+03:00

Today is my mom's birthday. She turns 54. And am really proud of her for being there for us for this long. I wonder what it feels like to be 54, but am sure gonna ask her when we communicate. Am especially surprised that she went through a hell of a me, as a teenager, and much more. The me who in high school had to go home every two weeks coz of suspensions of all kinds of nature... Talking about High Schools and suspensions...[memoirs memoirs memoirs]

... reminds me of one time in high school, on a Saturday, after cleaning the school, so we were all idling. Soon I was tempted to get some lugwarts from the many fruit trees in the school, which of course we were prohibited. Si as usual, am on the nearest tree, chuniaring people the fruits.. so we gawana in the end, in the next like 2 minutes.

Ubaya the fruit tree was next to a pavement, na sasa headi tokead.. Si everybody scattered. Then I thought, if I shuka that tree, ningeonwa tu na headi, so I decided to baki on top and be very silent. When she got to the point where I was, another teacher had fikad there too, so they stopped to talk...

Then I don't know what intrigued Mrs. Maina[The teacher] to look up, and voila!!, "There was Shee looking down at them!!" Si ofcourse the shock on her face made headi look up too.. Hmm.. You don't want to imagine the exchange that was there between me and the headi [with her deep kikuyu-kisii accent]

After me getting down in a flash and a couple [read many] slaps and pinches on my cheeks, I was told to go home immediately and come back with a sac full of lugwarts. It was not funny at all, coz I didn't jua what to tell Mathe [an Anglican Rev] and fathe [a retired deputy principle].

But as we all were in chuo ***Let no one pretend*** The policy was "Brains encounter brains".

I sure went home, but my expalnation for being home was that I had an ear ache so I was told to go home. We went to the dockie and was given medicine. Then on my way to school, based in Thika, I picked up a mama from Thika Market [Mukiriti], I paid her Kes 200 and told her the whole story. Si we went to chuo.

At the headi's office, she caused mayhem [si you know the way mamas of soko are harsh], kwanza I was told to get out. So they remained there talking [read yelling at each other in Kikuyu, broken Swahili mixed with 2 english words]. Kidogo they both came out, and I was told that she was to go home, and I was to go to class, and see headi the next day morning for my punishment [I was told to wash some trees at the parade ground, which termites had built houses on]. The mama gave me some fake warnings to obey and a hug and headed back.

That became a legend, and a trend in that school....

Anyway, sorry mum for this and more, that I did...
All the barbed wire, the bringing me back to school and having to tetea me to heady, the report forms you never got to see, the dictionary, Bible, kamusi and log book that I sold on the streets of Nairobi after fourth form and lied they had gotten lost, the lies about trips we were to attend and all just to get more pocket money out of you, the school fee for me to be in class for 1005 of my time in school, but I spent 75% out of class, either on punishments, at home, or skived, and to crown it all, the shame you went through all along the four years.
Am grown now, and I no longer do those.

All I promise is I will make up for all those... And with that promise, I wish you a happy birthday mom.

And as I celebrate this, I also wish to acknowledge the good playing of the heroes of this premier league Arsenal. We pray that you go on and have another season unbeaten, just like the other one.

And quite proud you do me here, seeing you seated on all others....
Am happy for you Arsenal..

Happy Birthday mom. Live longer than you can. Just for me.

The worst is when you NEVER learn...

2007-08-31T17:47:00.000+03:00

Some people will just never learn...

In most cases, you expect that if you go to a certain club and you have your phone stolen, you either stop going to that club, or change positions for storing your phone, right??!! Aint that logic for any person above the age of 18??

Okey this chic!

She brings friends she just met into her house, and they just get high, and the next morning she's missing stuff... Like this one time she lost Kes 60,000 which she was supposed to deposit the next day, for her school fee, then kidogo, her home theatre walked.. I don't know how... then kidogo, an old laptop she had crawled out... And now, it's her PDA phone...

I mean, does she need a [I-don't-know-what] to shout it to her, or rather get it to her mind, to quit being careless and for once, do what is common sense to everybody... Stop bringing strangers to her house!! Next she will be stolen! Then she'll come crying and whining a whole week to me that all she's got was stolen!! "Oh now what will I do.. And I guessed those guys weren't good at all.. Now see.. I should have listened to my instincts..." I hear this one more time and my brain crawls outta my head!

Is it too much work to just think just a little above your nose?! And for hell's sake she's a whole 26yr old!! Jeez!!

I offered to have her move all her "precious" staff, for me to keep it for her, so she doesn't loose it, but it was a hell of a joke, imagining giving away your telly to your friend to keep it for you... what will you watch?? LOL

Anyway! If anyone knows of or owns a drug that one takes to begin being reasonable... help a soul out here!

I would love to say like one Klara

" There's something more painful than learning from experience, and that's not learning from it...."

A.O.B

Do you think homosexuality and abortion should be legalized? I mean seriously... should it?

Come to think of it..

2007-08-21T18:32:00.001+03:00

1. Where was the so called King of Rwanda [Overthrown in 1957, and being in exile in the U.S.A since] as Rwanda got it's peace, that now he wants to come back and be King, and that he will not come back if the people won't make him King, ati coz he signed a treaty with the Belgians to be King. A guy should "Get a grip!" Who cares whether or not he's back or not?? Did we even know he existed before now? I mean does his absence make me not put food on the table?

2. What do we have in memory of Kibaki except for the forty shilling coin? [As in like the way we have Kenyatta and Moi Avenues and Universities e.t.c]

3. I overheard some dude talking about statistics of Makerere University Kampala, on H.I.V/ AIDS, that 87% of the students are HIV positive, and that in that, 76% of women are positive, and of course only 9% of the men are positive. Hmmm... Couple of questions I got... But all the same,
I ask, does it really make sense that 9% of the guys are the only ones doing the 76% of the women? huh?? Players we got of the 9% What do you say? ;)

4. Why don't we have on the market DVDs for Soap Operas? [So that at least they stop disturbing our eyes during the weekend with some Mexican fake actors whose Mexican mouthings don't even match the words they speak, and instead give us something to watch, like soccer, Formula 1, Some comedies e.t.c]

5. Do Arsenal reeeeally miss Thiery Henry?? "Naah!"

6 .Why doesn't Kenya have another service provider, except Safaricom and Celtel?

7. Shouldn't David Beckham just retire... I don't hear him no more.

8. Why don't the England Chairman, and MANU boss not get along? Did they date the same girl or some'ing?

9. What is it with MANU? Am shocked they ain't at the top of the list at premiership. they could as well be after Bolton anyway. LOL!

10. Is President Mugabe of Zimbabwe really a dictator? [how come he receives standing ovations when he speaks at African leader's meetings?] Are we missing something here?

Any Different??

2007-08-09T11:13:00.000+03:00

Initiation is a rite of passage ceremony marking entrance or acceptance into a group or society. It could also be a formal admission to adulthood in a community or one of its formal components. In an extended sense it can also signify a transformation in which the initiate is 'reborn' into a new role.

Enough on the enlightenment of what you already know. But I want to pose 2 major questions.

1. Does lack of passing through initiation [in the traditional way- as in circumsicion, or however else we please to initiate in different communities] make you different, e.g in the way you think, make decisions and your behavior e.t.c, to a person who has been through initiation?

In simpler terms, do they that have been initiated differ in terms of decision making, way of life, behavior and thinking, from they that have not been initiated?

[My Opinion]- They that have not, act less mature than they that have. Their decision making is somewhat irrational. And I think environmental conditions really alter their reasoning,and behavior. That takes me to my 2nd question...

2. Does [as a man] living with your mother,when you are past 24 years of age affect your behavior, decision making and thinking? In the sense that, your ma' will never see you like a grown up, even if you're 92 yrs old. So in any case, without exposure, a guy remains 18 years old even at 40.

Of Pregnant Women and Drugs...

2007-08-01T16:42:00.000+03:00

We were out having coffee with a couple of my friends, when a heated argument of whether or not, pregnant women should go out to clubs and stuff, came up.

Funny though, one of them told us how she would go out, get drunk,and smoke like all morning, with a guy she called Anto [friend]. I was shocked that Anto would not mind being caught in a club taking a soda, happily chatting with a [friend] 7 month pregnant woman, taking a guiness and smoking B'n'H at the all so famous Carnie.

And this Anto... has he ever told anyone about this? To me, it would be a shame. Am also surprised that at this time and age, an expecting mother knows no better than to be drinking like that. Poor Ryan[her son] is so cute, you would never imagine. I just hope he does not face complications in years to come. Am scared for him.

Sarah still drinks and breast feeds, saying that this prevents Ryan from waking in the night. The poor boy is too drunk to wake up. Am obliged to think that Sarah is in total oblivion of what it may later cause to Ryan whom she claims to love so much.

And to Anto, I think it's a shame to be in your position in the instance. The least you could do was discourage the idea, instead of sitting there laughing sheepishly wondering why everybody is looking at you. I hate your idea of being the one taking a soda, while your "friend' Sarah is getting herself and an unborn Ryan high.

Anyway, let all have fun, but in a responsible way.

To me, the whole situation looks like, me at this age and time, lining up to get into F2. it looks ridiculous to me. And I think any other chic at my age would look ridiculous. And so does Anto.

Those parties [Orgies]...

2007-07-27T15:18:00.001+03:00

I was reading an article the other day[I can't trace it in this jumble of a mess called my house], on how high the cause of H.I.V is due to orgies. I had to get it clear from msema kweli, and yes I did.

I was left wondering, does this happen in Kenya? [Of course it does dummy]
No that's not the question. Question is, Are any of the people I know doing it? What should I do to help?

On second thought, do they really need help? I guess they're enjoying it, because, I actually have a friend, out of coincidence, at a party I was in, who confessed to attending such. I didn't have her attention enough to ask her clearly well about it, but the thought of her bragging about a whole weekend of orgy was too much. I would never dare say it in public myself...

Come to think of it.. Who goes??
The Very "pretty" ones. Like, I would call her a goddess, perfect in everything- Lemmi use the lines of Dan Brown in Digital Fortress.
Why??
I guess either she lacks something in her, or it's just... just... I just don't know... [Somebody help!!]
But maybe am being too conservative and backward. Should we all be trying it?? Maybe it's fun. And I also got it from a buddy that most of whom who practice it are older men and yoooooung women. Like the one I saw.

Anyway come to think of it, if you were a whore.. would you tell anyone??
If you were an orgies person, would you brag about it??

Am shocked and wondering.. Be this the Virgin, Innocent Africa we all know??

Like it is!
Get a life young lady! I guess whatever it is you're doing is really disgusting and not anything to brag about. Miss pretty, please stop wasting yourself. Those men have nothing to loose except hurt your small beautiful heart!!

Underage?? Not now.. Not ever..

2007-07-24T20:14:00.000+03:00

Gone are the days we used to be stopped at bars and clubs at the entrance to pull out real or fake IDs, but now and at this time and age and at my generation... I don't think no man has right to stop me from getting into nowhere.. Be it Tropez, Soundd, Trolleys, Q's, Martinis, Rhezorous*** Wait a second.. Do Rhezorous stop anyone from getting in ati under age?? Then you I guess can only get into F2 or Tacos, ama you try those shoddy clubs in Tom Mboya street, akina Mercury, Princess and kina Eureka***, and all others that stop people. Avoid This Kind of Embarrassment

There is so much shame in it, especially when you're told to chuck your ID, and you happily do it, since you just hit 22, 23 there, then the guy looks at you twice and says, "We only admit 25 and above". To make matters worse, it's in front of a crew you wanna be looking impressive in.
"Why? Why? why me?" You keep asking yourself.

Let me give you a tip sister... Never look nervous( I mean like you're in primary school, the headmaster just stopped you and you're pressed at the same time. You get me??..)
Then, look like NOT underage, by the way you dress.. I mean your clothes, shoes, Hair..e.t.c.. Dont look like you're going to F2, while you are going to Martinis... Please.. spare us.

Then, there are fake IDs.. very easy to find. Use one to avoid the embarrassment. Or else, avoid those clubs.

And make sure you take with you a crowd that wont leave you out when you're frozen at the door. They will be with you all the way.

Sister... good luck..

And Grow up a little faster, so you can get to get into Trolleys. LOL

What is it with the Ugandans...???

2007-07-23T14:17:00.000+03:00

What is your problem really?? Why all the killings?? Don't you think having to use a rocket, helicopter gunships and mortars is a little too much?? Huh??

I mean... by all means first stop your own major wars, before using Pokot grounds to practice for the next war, you want to start with Kenya. We appreciate your show of weaponry, but please keep it to yourselves.

Again, I think lack of education is a real hazard to the community. These Ugandans should well learn how to differentiate pregnant women, children and raiders. Why shoot them??. And again, their geography teachers should have taught them well where the boarder lines reach, so they stop getting past the border.

picture courtesy of BBC

The Pokot raiders in Kenya are Kenya's problem not yours so keep it to your Karamojong and leave the peaceful Kenyans alone... More-so their wives and kids. FYI... Pokot is no military field for you to go practice your launching of weapons..

I may be so wrong on all this, but please, keep the war to yourselves, you don't have to spread it just because you cant solve it.

And you Kenyan defense ministry sitting on your fat asses, Akina Karume and Nkaissery, ***Lemmi put Karume out of this, he just may not be comprehending what's going on. He needs a translator if not a Kikuyu newspaper*** Can you wake up and do something. We cant just sit and watch out own perish in the hands of neighbors.

Get your asses up and for once do what we pay you to do.

Am not amused...
For those not believing.. Check this out

Here now and for ever...

2007-07-19T18:15:00.001+03:00

Back in the days.. [not to say am soo old], I was really a person who lived by the thoughts of others about me. I was too afraid to live the life I wanted to live for fear of bruits, and what others would say about me.

Then I met a friend with whom I could be cockamamie with, but it never went past that, I still could never live my life the way I wanted to live it. I was angry at the whole world inside. I was against all, even trying to be against nature...

Then all of a sudden, one morning, my whole life changed. And I had no reason to fear scuttlebutts no more, for in my new life, everyone was talking about me. I never since was afraid to live how I had always wanted to live.

Now am not afraid to try it on my own. I don't care if am right, or wrong, I'll live my life the way I feel, and no matter what, am gonna keep it real. I know.. It's time for me to do it on my own...

And am back to reclaim my position in the society, that I once feared to live in, for fear of others.. Now am confident enough to set a building stone where I think is right... Am back for good.. Never to go again...

I will trample all giants and ants that will come against my way, and on them, I will learn great lessons.

And if nobody is willing to welcome me, I will welcome myself. For this is who I am now.. A changed me.. A me ready to face this crazy world. Who knows, I may die a queen of my world.